Post Two?

I'm 17. I live in a country where I do not speak the language, and in a very British fashion, have made little attempt to learn it. I'm an actress, I suppose. I love the stage, but I never land the leading lady role, instead the leading man, but generally just a supporting man. No I'm not a lesbian. If someone asked me to give up everything to take the leading role in some crappy production filming in the woodlands of Bulgaria, I'd probably want to do it, but in truth I have no balls. That's something I'm relying on this blog to help me with. I am incredibly good at being mediocre at everything I do, but even that skill is slowly slipping away from me. The only time that I'm truly happy is when I'm playing guitar, but thanks to the aforementioned skill I have, I doubt it'll ever become something serious. That brings us to the point. This whole blog revolves around the world serious. What does that mean?

Rather than saying how the dictionary's meaning is not my meaning, which is a bit stupid, I think the dictionary defines it very well indeed (congratulations from a teenage girl on being good at defining things dictionary):

se·ri·ous

   [seer-ee-uhs]  Show IPA

–adjective

1.

of, showing, or characterized by deep thought.

2.

of grave or somber disposition, character, or manner: a serious occasion; a serious man.

3.

being in earnest; sincere; not trifling: His interest was serious.

4.

requiring thought, concentration, or application: serious reading; a serious task.

5.

weighty or important: a serious book; Marriage is a serious matter.

I reckon that I can be these things. But to do this, I need to figure out things. And by things, I mean everything. I've done nothing in my 17 years on this planet to change anything substantially. Sure, I feel like I haven't done anything too terrible either, but I think that doing nothing is worse than either of the two.

I have become obsessed with the age old questions, why am I here, why are we here, what's the point, what comes after life, etc.

They've become all I can think about, and no one knows. But there has to be answers. Right? To find these I have to do the following, see and learn as much about the world around me. However this is easier said than done, yes?

I'm applying for university at the moment, in fact I should really be working on my personal statement instead of this, but oh well. I think that a gap year is crucial to figuring out the stuff above, yes?

Reading is pretty important too, I am putting money on there being answers or at least clues to the stuff above in books, and I'm starting this out with The Razor's Edge, which I'm about half way through, and so far I'd like to say Larry is exactly like me, only Larry is not like me, because he's experienced things I haven't, but we're at the same sort of place, I'd like to think. I think the same things as he does, at least I think I do, I'd like to think I do.

Updates and stuff soon yeah.

Oh, as 'you' probably guessed my name is not my name, but the name has meaning, don't worry, but if I told you the meaning, you'd probably get to me. So I suppose it's a stupid choice of name, oh well.